In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
