so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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