Dual....:-)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
