New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
