remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
