All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I understand Curling. That high.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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