dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
