Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
