I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
