we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
