I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
