he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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