Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Don't EVER smell your tampon
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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