Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
