I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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