can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
