remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
