Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My ass is underappreciated
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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