i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
