my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Acid is not a monday night drug
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
