My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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