laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need to sanitize my soul.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
