I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
