Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
