my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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