dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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