The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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