she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
