I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
