i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
