I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
