UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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