I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
