I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
