anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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