life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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