Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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