she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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