WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
