my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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