my mouth tastes like poor choices
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
