oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
