if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
