I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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