it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
God I need to hump something, right now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
