you traded sex for a burrito?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
