I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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