I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
