apparently the secret to your success is patron
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
