I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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