The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
