i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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